M*d*r*ch*d Tera Baap

Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs. --Pearl Strachan

Goa: renowned for its beaches, places of worship, serene beaches and most importantly for cheap liquor and feni. Our trip to Goa is a fond memory for all of us except KD. KD was known to all of us as a pacifist who might lose his temper sometimes, but rarely. What we never knew was that his temper could spark like damp firewood until we witnessed it firsthand when he was subjected to a totally new situation in Goa.

There he was, admiring the Goan beaches and babes, in the company of Vegudu. So was I, fully engrossed and involved in feni that all my efforts to reach hotel failed. I found myself sleeping in the beach only disturbed by occasional puking. Leaving me to come to terms with my stomach, KD and Vegudu continued their babe watching, eagerly expecting some hot scenes that could be of use later. They spotted a Maruti Omni van that went past them and parked at about 50 feet away from them. Two-three guys came out of the van sipping beers. Both Vegudu and KD were very sure, aided by the feni-induced hallucination, that they saw a couple of hot babes in the back-seat and the gang was really up to (or already doing) something worth watching. All they needed was an excuse to go up to the Omni and they were sure to be in for a visual treat. Feni can bring in some ingenious ideas, and out came one from Vegudu’s magic brain: "Let’s play Kallan and Police"!

It might have been a decade since either of them played that game but that did not matter for the ever-ever-child Vegudu. KD was the future sports-secretary of the collage and of course he can play any game. So the game started without a whistle, and Vegudu ran off away from KD playing the part of "Kallan". KD ran behind him playing the part of Policeman. The kallan was running with head turned to his left, so as to make sure that he gets as much of the hot-scenes as possible. So did the police. On running past the van, they both thought they could only see some well-built men inside. Never the fellows to give up, they ran back playing the next round of the game that ended some 5 feet away from the Van. Then they started the third round, running past the van again. Alas! They still could not get a glimpse of the hot babes the feni-gods had shown to them in the same van it went past them. Nobody knows how the events turned out after this. Legend has it that Vegudu opened the sliding door of the van just to confirm there weren’t any babes inside, but he denies this steadfastly. All I can tell for sure is, when I got up for another round of puking, I heard one of those well-built men (all of whom were presumably locals) shouting " M*d*r*ch*d". There was a complete silence after this, and I realized that the expression on KD's face was changing. It turned red with anger. He clenched his fist and bursted out " M*d*r*ch*d Baap", in perfectly accented hindi and a voice that had a tellingly clear pitch and tone.

As I puked again I heard a sickening noise. I looked up and saw KD on ground, fiercely holding his balls and screaming. What puzzled me was the posture of Vegudu, who was standing with his hands covering his balls, as if he was one of those football defenders standing against a free-kick just outside the penalty box. I can remember the foot of one of the heftiest men heading towards KD, aiming his middle stump. KD was clean bowled. Vegudu’s Posture? Of course, he was preparing to save himself from a free-kick that could come his way.

Needless to say, KD was admitted to a hospital, but he bravely put that off until we all reached back Kerala. After he was back in the hostel, everyone asked KD why he had to use Hindi; Malayalam would have saved the situation and KD could be happy that he gave the "theri" back. KD was calm, and did not reply; just repented about choosing Hindi as the second language in pre-degree. Somebody commented:

"Uska baap ko galli deke, KD ko baap banna mushkil ho gaya".